The Raw Truth of the Matter

I have delayed in writing this post.  One, because it's painful.  Two, because it's hard to say what is really on my heart and be careful how I say it and be vague enough to continue to protect our boys.

No joking, we've had a rough last couple of weeks.  The news we got from the embassy was hard to swallow.  It was the nightmare that I kept pushing aside in my thoughts convinced it couldn't or wouldn't happen to us.  But here we are.

In the midst of this bad news, my mind is like Rapunzel in Tangled when she leaves the tower. 

I cry and sob and think about the real possibility that our boys could in the end be labeled "unadoptable" and placed back into an orphanage.

Then I hear that small voice say, "God is good....all the time!"

But why did this have to happen to us?  Families just weeks before us and some even weeks after us had smooth sailing and are tucking their little ones in tonight.

Then the song on the radio:  "And I never, ever have to be afraid cause one thing remains:  Your love never fails; it never gives up; it never runs out on me."

Last week I read Is. 8:9-10

Be broken, O peoples, and be shattered

And give ear, all remote places of the earth

Gird yourselves, yet be shattered

Gird yourselves, yet be shattered

Devise a plan but it will be thwarted;

State a proposal, but it will not stand,

FOR GOD IS WITH US.

We are broken and in a sense our family is shattered with 2 in another continent.  We are girded, geared for battle.  Our plans have been thwarted and I assure you, our proposals have failed. BUT GOD IS WITH US!  This we know.

I have to cling to what I DO KNOW because I don't know the why's of this process and I don't know the when's of this process.

And if my God is with me, who then should I fear?  You never let go through the calm and through the storm, through the high and through the low.  You never let go of me!  Still I will praise you!

Their cowboy room waiting.  2 Fish Sticks even donated matching teddies to them.

And for those of you who just wanted the bullet points of what is next and how can you pray...listen up.

We are waiting to hear from Homeland Security.  They have one of 2 responses to our paperwork:  intent to deny a visa OR request for more information.  PRAY FOR A REQUEST FOR MORE INFORMATION!

We then have 1 month to respond with all the information they could ever need to see the validity of our court documents.  PRAY THAT ALL OF OUR AFFIDAVITS WILL BE COLLECTED AND COMPLETE QUICKLY!

We wait to hear their final response (probably another 30 days):  visa given or visa denied.  PRAY THAT OUR VISA WILL BE GIVEN.

I swapped out the winter for the summer, but might need to do it again.

I know some people are reassuring that "all things work together for the good of those who love the Lord" and while I know that verse to be true and from God, I also know that the definition of "good" in this verse does not imply that I get what I want if my intentions are pure.  Do I think that there is a possibility that although God called us to this process to add 2 more children from Africa into our family that He knew that we would never have the privilege to raise them as our own?  That possibly He has other plans for their lives and our lives?  That maybe He's using this adoption process to refine us into the likeness of His Son?  Yes, I firmly believe that is possible.  Do I like it?  No, but I cling to what I do know.  God loves us and He loves our boys.  God cares for us and is about the business of molding us into His likeness. 

That doesn't change my passion to get my boys home, but it causes me to stay by the side of my Father more and confirm daily the truths laid forth for me in His Word.

The Easter baskets and matching Easter shirts sit untouched.  The footed pajamas still have the tags and were placed in the attic.  The car seats will probably need to be exchanged for a booster.  The diapers will be shared with another (no complaints there though).  The swimming shorts and flip flops will probably need to be packed soon too.  But we press on because.....GOD IS WITH US.

These I think will need to be donated to my niece or nephew.  I don't think they'll be needed anymore.