I am adopted. I'm a special kid you see.
I'm proud to be a member of the royal family.
My Father owns His kingdom and sits upon His throne.
He gives me everything I need. It's nice to just belong.
I'm adopted. I'm chosen.
I bare my Father's name.
Just livin' a life of luxury
In a castle with a king.
What a beautiful picture, even as a young child, of my relationship to my Lord. This wonderful understanding of my own adoption, left me with a heart open to adoption from the start.
The Lord placed me with a wonderful man who had twin cousins adopted from Korea. He loves his cousins deeply and grew up with them as his best friends, so when we, as a dating couple, talked about adoption, it was clear that our hearts were knit together on this topic.
While living in Singapore in 2000-2002, we decided to check into adoption after having our 2nd Fish Stick. Seeing as we were in Asia, why not check into seeing if the adoption process was any easier than in the US? A file named "adoption" was created. Back home in the USA, another adoption file was added to the filing cabinet after Fish Stick 4 and Fish Stick 5. The pull was always there, but the time had not yet come.
Fast forward and now Fish Stick 6, our "baby," is 3. My Man brings it up again in the fall of 2011. Something unexplainable was going on in my head that is hard to express on paper. I had been struggling. Struggling with myself mostly. Most days of the week I had strong feelings of inadequacy. I wasn't a good enough wife for My Man. I wasn't a good mom for my Fish Sticks. I lost my temper too often. Their bickering was a reflection of my poor parenting. My house was a mess and I couldn't ever keep it cleaned up. It was all I could do to maintain my own sanity and not crash in exhaustion and utter depletion each night. Adoption? How could I possibly adopt now? I can't manage the responsibilities I have been given, much less add the stress of the adoption process and training another child.
And so I smiled, nodded my head and went about doing what I do as a homemaker, struggling within my heart and listening to the lies of the enemy. My Man brought it up time and again until finally I broke down and shared with him my struggles. He seemed shocked that I had been feeling that way. It didn't seem like something that a few encouraging words from him could cure.
In December, a good friend, going through her first adoption loaned me Katie Davis' book "Kisses From Katie." I've read Katie's blog almost since the beginning. It makes me weep almost every time. I read the book slowly and contemplatively. As I read, the Holy Spirit began working on my heart through the heart of Katie's words. It's not about me. It's not about my need for approval, recognition and encouragement. It's not about my accomplishments or lack thereof. It's about HIM. It's about HIS WORK through little-ole me. It's about my willingness to come to Him, palms up and say "Yes, Lord, I'm willing." The enemy knew just what to do to make me feel inadequate to mother an orphan. He started early, prepping my heart to resist the words of My Man to follow through with the vision we had for our family years earlier.
And so as my heart began to soften and I began to resist the lies of Satan, my heart began to beat to become the mother for another Fish Stick that the Lord had for us (or more). And here began the rest of the story.
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